my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
