It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
