alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
