I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
