Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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