peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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