he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
