k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
