I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
where are you?
Hypothermia
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
