I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
