Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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