can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
