So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
