i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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