The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
