walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
