We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize