eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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