i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize