To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
