Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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