I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
