I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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