My sheets look like a crime scene.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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