How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
