The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
