my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
