we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
