omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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