It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
