Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
