I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
