Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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