can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
