Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
