I showed him my bush... on skype.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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