You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
