I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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