I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
