it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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