im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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