My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
