The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
