you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
