I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
