You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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