dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
