I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
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