She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
