How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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