It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize