Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
