I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
