somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
