But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
