batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
