So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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