Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
