I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
