I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
