We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
