Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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