when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
