He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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