She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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