What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
