HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
