this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
